There are certain lyrics I love lately.
They just fit with me.
I’ll show some of them to you:
I will be rocks. I will be water.
I will leave this to my daughter:
lift your head up in the wind.
Those three lines don’t carry special meaning for me so much as they
SOUND so good to me.
The pace and syllables and short vowel sounds.
Ooooh. It’s a drum for me.
This one I love for different reasons:
Antarctica, my only living relative.
Antarctica, I can’t wait anymore.
Except she sings it like this:
Oh it’s delicious.
Stay with me here.
I kept singing it and singing it one day while Lacey (my sister) was over.
“What does that even mean?” she said.
“It means there is a place somewhere way out there that is isolated and frozen in time and even though it’s an unlikely place for comfort, it is her only chance to be close to someone alive.”
As I explained this, it just felt like an obvious thing– like of course that’s what it means– didn’t you feel that too? And that’s why I love words. Because who knows what Deb Talan really meant by it… but I know, for me, exactly what it means. Because so often I am trying to say something that I just can’t find the words for. I am trying to get out all of this STUFF in me and I need words for it. But I just can’t find them. So when I do find them, or when someone else finds them in an obscure reference to an uninhabited continent, I am in love. And I just keep saying and singing and writing those words. Expressing. To clearly express what once was just a stuttering voice in my heart: It’s an act of healing.
Though sometimes there is that little disappointment– why couldn’t I have written that?
I want so badly to own those words.
But I can. They can be mine too. That’s gotta be part of why people write.
Somewhere in there we are hoping to connect not just to ourselves, but to someone else out there.
These songs brought to us by Deb Talan.
Sometimes in a band called The Weepies,
and sometimes just her. Thanks Deb.
Just a note: I married a fantastic cook. Memphis bbq chicken and mashed potatoes and zucchini and squash with bread crumbs. Was that my real dinner yesterday? That was my real dinner yesterday.
Another note: I love The Weepies.
I love the slow soulfulness of women in folk music like this: Big Strong Girl by Deb Talan.
They make me feel old fashioned and alive.
Ken and I have been grocery shopping two official times as an official married couple.
Trip #1: We stare at the huge barrels of on-sale watermelon. We agree. We just cannot conquer that much watermelon alone. But maybe we’ll have some friends over on the fourth of July and buy a big watermelon and share it with them! This was a great experience because we both love fantasizing about the idea of “having people over” i.e. having friends. Even new friends! We love making new friends. And you know, we get kinda lonely over here sometimes…
Trip #2. After we get home from this trip I notice a HUGE watermelon on the counter. Did I put that in the cart? How did I miss Ken putting that in the cart? That Sunday afternoon I am making some salsa dip and he is going to town on the watermelon with a real big knife. We eat that mess with our dinner and seal-up the left overs in a glass bowl in the fridge.
This morning: I sat down with that glass bowl to accompany me as I wrote the feelings of my heart. I wrote on this blog. I wrote in my google doc journ. I wrote to all of my mission companions that are still out there servin the good lord. There is nothing like the texture of a good watermelon as you type type type out your words. How is it so soft and so crunchy at once? I love watermelon. I love the 4th of July. And we’re gonna need another one of these on that great day. Or maybe 3 of them. Because hey, I finished the leftovers. All of them. I conquered the watermelon.
B E A S T .
Can your wife eat this much? Probs not. I bet she saves you lots of money.
Speaking of eating, I miss butter.
I’ve been using healthy-girl alternatives like… olive oil.
Because, well because me and Ken are trying to eat healthier.
WHY do I feel like I’m sinning when I say that?
That statement is nigh unto “Me and Ken are trying to take the fun out of life.”
Sometimes it feels that way. But don’t we want to be healthy? Yes!
But don’t we want to eat butter? MORE Yes!
Maybe I will use A LOT when our hypothetical friends come over on the 4th of July.
Time to brush my teeth and make the bed and organize the bathroom or something. Maybe it will look like I did more than write and eat and listen to folk music all day. Husband home in 2 hours. Work in 3 hours. Goal: Life life life during all of those hours.